Photos from Phattalung

Testimony Part 2:

Arriving at Bang Muang Tsunami camp for displaced people

So after a few more days in Phattalung I started off on the first of an 8 hour 3 leg bus journey. I had to leave early to catch the bus and didn't have the opportunity to say goodbye to all the children. I hadn't spent long with them but I had grown so attached to them in the short time that I felt like I had left something behind when I left. I think I might have cried most of the journey. I took myself by surprise and I didn't understand the reaction i was having but there was a love for the family in Pattalung that I felt almost as if they were my own family and I felt homesick. However, I told myself... "in just one month I will be back there."

Having done the road trip from Pattalung to Phuket once with Anurak and Oom I somehow remembered much of the route and got of the bus in Takua Pa to get a Songthaew to the camp in Bang Muang. The Songthaew dropped me at the main road so I got my luggage and walked up the road which would take me to the camp entrance.

I had visited the camp with Anurak the week before and my heart had broken for the people there. There were rows and rows of houses made from wooden boards with corrugated iron roofs - though this was luxury compared to what they started out with: after losing homes and loved ones in the Tsunami they were left in the camp with as little as a tent if they were lucky. The quick response from big organisations like World Vision and the openness with which Thailand received help in the wake of the Tsunami meant that people were provided with temporary shelter relatively quickly. But it was clear to see that ever life had been torn apart and people were still in shock. The mourning process for their loss hadn't even begun yet. These people were still in survival mode.

As I arrived at the camp I was suddenly struck with the realisation that I knew no Thai and I was to be living in a raised tent with Thai people who spoke no English. More besides I didn't even know what I was meant to be doing. The camp was much busier than I had seen it before. On the day I had visit before there had been another big earthquake in almost the same place as the one on December 26th 2005. Even though this part of Bang Muang was safe from the Tsunami most of the people had fled to the mountain area and still hadn't returned. Some people fled further to other parts of Thailand and wouldn't be seen again.

This time the camp was buzzing with people. There were about 2000 people living in the camp at this time. I arrived at the Phantasanja tent relieved that even though I barely recognised anyone - they at least recognised me, although they all seemed surprised to see me. I was still carrying all my teaching stuff around with me - expecting to teach at any time though feeling pretty much terrified at the prospect of it.

So this is where life began again; Bang Muang camp, Phantasanja Mother and Child care centre. I can summarize my memories of living there with a smile on my face now... but being someone who could barely be within a mile of a daddy long legs in Britain and recalling the time where I almost knocked myself out, hitting my head on the wall at home after seeing a spider in the toilet - I realize how far I've come as a result of living in the camp. Though thank the Lord for the western toilet at the back of the tent!

The typical washing facility in the camp was a big communal concrete tank of water. Most people took a bowl and scooped the water up and tipped it over their head. I washed in the same way but I was lucky enough to have a separate washing area at the back of our tent as it was used to take care of the babies during the day. We had big black bins filled with water and as long as I had my flip flops on while washing... I was generally ok well until I found that the bowl I used to tip water over my head was also the bowl people used to wash their bottoms after using the toilet (before you all start wondering... I had my own supply of toilet roll).

Each night we help a bible study for the new Christians in the camp; some of whom I recognised as a group who had come to Pattalung to church and had been baptised by Anurak. At bed time we would set up our mosquito nets,and sleep on the board floor. I have to say - I can't remember a time when I've slept so well, except when the odd branch from the tree outside would break and fall on the roof. I'd wake up with a shock thinking that a bomb had gone off. Food was rice... 3 times a day usually with fish and really hot and sour curry. The Thai people are fascinated by watching foreigners eat. I'd sit there trying to pick every bit of skin, fat or bone off the meat i was eating.The Thai people would just put the whole thing in their mouths, be it a fish head, chicken or a chunk of any other meat and spit out whatever parts were inedible at the end. Some of the things that came out of the sea that we ate, I could never tell you what they were, I just had to swallow as quickly as possible without even chewing it. My theory at the time was that if I got sick then the bonus was that I would lose some weight.... But what with everyone praying for me at home... I've yet to get sick. Not all the food was bad. Every attempt to have a break from the rice diet would normally result in the thai people lavishing me with extra sweet bread, or sticky rice with coconut milk. At this point I hadn't quite understood the cultural phemonenon of "Glen Jai".

"Glen Jai " can occur in numerous situations but a common one is with food. Sometimes food will be offered to you because it's a cultural and a firnedly gesture. A lot of the time the Thai offering the food will expect you to decline. They will then offer again. If they are quite persistant then you know that they genuinely want you to eat. If it is not offered again then you know it is more a gesture, or a "how are you" type of thing.
Anyway - when you do eat - you are rarely expected to finish your plate. Doing so will make them think that you want more. And more you will get.
I would be there eating what I was given because I thought it would offend them to leave it. And they were there thinking "wow this girl can eat !" When people are being "glen jai" a lot of these thoughts aren't spoken but are just assumed. It's hard to explain but basically if I"m being "glen jai" I tell you what I think you want to hear even if what I really want is the opposite. Most people when offered a drink will say no. However sometimes they may really want one, so you ask them againm maybe 3 or 4 times to determine what the real desire is. They will say no - expecting to be asked again. And that is just touching the surface of it.

I can remember all sorts of situations I got myself into in the early days at the camp. There was a lovely old lady who would come to the bible studies in the even. She was Bhuddist and she was very lonely. I warmed to her straight away. She would just sit there and talk and talk and talk and i would sit and nod occasionally saying "Kor toet, Mai kao jai ka" (i'm sorry I dont understand). But she would just rub my arm and talk some more. At the end of one evening she lingered a bit as if she was waiting for me. That particular night a thai girl called Julie was there translating for me. i said to Julie "why is she waiting?" As it turned out, that evening's nodding had resuilted in me agreeing to spend the nights sleeping with this old lady in her little board house instead of at the tent. I apologetically explained I'd misunderstood and that I would visit her during the days instead. I learnt I had to be careful who I nodded to in future :o)

Anyway... here's a picture of the camp to give your eyes a rest from reading. Unfortunately most of my other pictures of the camp are back in England so I'll have to post them another time.

Testimony:
Part 1:

So, one year ago I left England; my job, my family and friends, my church and my cat and set off on a new adventure in Thailand. However the trip wasn’t as spontaneous as it may sound. Although the decision to end one season of my life and begin a new one happened in a relatively short space of time – my passion for traveling and my desire to serve God in the nations is something I had been praying about for quite some time.
Two years ago, whilst traveling for a month in South East Asia, I was told about a Thai man who was doing some amazing work for God in the South of Thailand - but during that trip I never had the time to see his community in Phattalung. After I returned to England, contemplating a career change I thought about teaching as a possibility but felt more and more drawn to teaching small groups in a more specialist way. I felt more and more drawn to teaching English to foreigners which I felt quite excitedly would compliment my live for travel and my desire to serve God abroad. So I took the course not really knowing where it would get me or how I would use it.

Upon passing the course I looked for some teaching opportunities in London - but nothing that could really support me full time, and I had no desire to go anywhere at that time. My personal circumstances at that time were not the most stable. I was struggling with some issues which had been repeating themselves for many many years and I was beginning to lose hope that I could ever trust myself to go anywhere or do anything without getting myself into a huge mess. It seemed that the more I attempted to "perfect myself" the more of a mess I realised I was in. I had no sense of self worth - and the vain attempts I was making to build it were just digging me deeper into a shallow world of materialism, competition and trying to fight and prove myself to people based on how I could make myself physically acceptable etc etc. I had such a high bench mark for myself that I could never be satisfied with myself. When I reached a goal - I just moved the target to a higher goal. People were coming in and out of my life at the time and I was constantly looking to them for acceptance and self worth.
However aside from this I was also fully seeking God and really desiring a deeper and more intimate relationship with God. It sounds like a total contradiction from the other goals I was setting. But through it all I was realising more and more my need for God and the knowledge that there was always something better for me in the plans God had for me. I realised that only by letting go of trying to be in control of "perfecting" myself - that only then could I really see myself as God sees me. That I am acceptable just as I am - maybe not to just anyone... but to God. I'm still learning that now...as I write, and it's still a challenge, but I began to realise that not only was I trying to be perfect to everyone around me, but I was also trying to make myself acceptable to God before I could be used by him. I began to realise that I didn't have to be perfect for God to use me. I just had to be willing. And through being willing God would be able to change my heart and my attitudes. That as I looked to serving others for God and showing God's love to others, I would begin to be healed and changed myself.

So ... as I began to dare to ask God, "Do you really have a purpose for my life? Can you really use me?" my desire to travel again began to grow. This was very soon after a particularly difficult patch so I really began to wonder if I could trust myself to travel alone. I was also aware that my passion for travel was also very much what I wanted to do. But having travelled the previous year and getting myself in a right muddle in my defiant "Here I am God, all by myself so come and do something" kind of way... I had found that travelling for travellings sake really seemed quite pointless. I wanted there to be a purpose. I came to the decision - and had to chance sacrificing a dream - that if this wasn't God's plan for me then I didn't want it at all. I didn't want another travelling trip to be just yet another thing I wanted to do... just another experience to add to the list. If this was just me I didn't want it. So I decided to pray... I prayed that God would confirm to me somehow - that this desire was put there by him to serve him and that there would be work for me to do. I was feeling sick because I was thinking - what do I do if nothing happens?
But I firmly trusted in my personal relationship with Jesus - I knew that he had a plan for me, and I knew that whatever it was - it was far better and more fulfilling and far more able to bless me and others than anything I could ever achieve by myself. I knew from experience that anything I had done or searched for fulfillment in before just left me empty, used and unfulfilled. I always had the feeling that there was something better for me if I could just let go and trust in God.
I really wanted God to be in this desire - because I didn't just want to go somewhere for a year and come back the same me. I wanted to go somewhere and I wanted my life to change direction. I wanted to be so sold out for God - but every time I want this - I then begin to learn how many things in my life I try to be control of. I wanted this to be a time where I let go of that control and gave everything to God. Oh and I also wanted to go abroad, maybe do a bit of teaching... preferably somewhere hot please. Amen

So expecting nothing - I tried to put my hopes to the side - so not to feel too disappointed. But the next evening I had a call from my mum to say she had seen a friend of hers who I hadn't seen or spoken to for some time - maybe 6 or 7 months. The friend had been praying for me for about a week - not sure why, but just feeling that she should pray for me - she felt strongly that God was telling her to give a word to me: to encourage me to go abroad somewhere and use the teaching qualification I had.

I was totally amazed.

The following day - filled with a feeling of panic and excitement I thought this can't really be the confirmation I prayed for. As I stepped out of my car on the way to work I was suddenly hit with a distinctive smell of the food stalls in Thailand where I had been the previous year, it took me back totally - it was 7 o clock on a drizzly Monday morning at in London. I decided that I would press into this idea a bit more. I was certain that the plan to go away would be met with negative feelings from my family, friends and my pastor - especially as they knew some of the scraps I’d got myself into around this time. And they were well used to my frequent dreaming of a new career move: TV, fitness instruction, physio, counseling (I thought I was an expert in the field from the amount of counseling I had received), teaching, to name but a few I think I even decided I might just work in a cafe at one point. So this was my last test - if they were supportive of this then I would go for it. I was amazed that every one of them reacted in the most positive way. After speaking to my pastor about my plans I came away shaking...

I'm not entirely sure why I decided on Thailand... I had been praying for the Buddhist nations for about 2 years already. I'm not really sure what provoked that. I always used to try to pray for Islamic nations - because of the national tension surrounding those countries. I thought it made sense - but for some reason I always came back to the Buddhist nations and different sects of philosophy, spiritualism and cultural practice surrounding that religion.
I had a specific passion for Laos - but knowing it to be quite a closed country and particularly risky for Christians - I felt I might be setting my sights a bit high. I was aware that there was a lot happening in Thailand. A lot of church growth and I felt excited about that and saw revival in Thailand being a spring board into the surrounding nations. The recent national disaster in the Indian Ocean causing a Tsunami which devastated a huge part of Thailand’s west coast didn't really affect my decision making. But I knew that I felt moved to teach or help those who really needed it - those who wouldn't normally get a chance to learn English and to help give a head start for those who would normally be overlooked in society. So I felt the most rewarding work would be the unpaid work.

Not forgetting where I had come from and the wobbly platform of my past I was in slight conflict about how I would manage my trip on my own. I thought about joining a team - but I really felt I wanted to go alone. Again I didn't want this to be me being stubborn - but again I prayed. I present my desire to God - which was to go alone, on a one way ticket - just putting my life in God's hands. I was willing to go where he wanted to go and to do what he wanted me to do for as long as it took. I wanted to walk out of my old life - and embrace a new season. But I also felt it was important to have somewhere to go to when I got to Thailand and Christians to be around. So again I prayed. I already knew some churches from the previous year but I felt there was somewhere specific for me to go. As I prayed all I could think about was one very small detail some missionaries had mentioned in an email to me 1 year before "there's a man in the South of Thailand doing some amazing work for God in the South of Thailand." The words kept coming to my mind over and over again and I thought - That's where I want to go.
I made preparations to push at this door and contacted the missionaries who had told me about Anurak and his ministry. I found that they were no longer in Thailand but after about a month I managed to get an email address. I emailed explaining who I was and that I wanted to come and see what he was doing in Thailand and that I would like to help support them in anyway I could. I was warmly welcomed. The door to Thailand was fully open. I remember thinking – I don’t know what I’m going to do but I prayed “God I am willing. I want you to change the direction of my life. I want you to heal me from my past. I will go where ever you want me to go. I’ll do what ever you want me to do and for as long as it takes.”
I had made a skeleton plan that I would go to Phattalung and then perhaps head over to the west coast to see if there were any English teaching needs there as people were rebuilding their lives after the Tsunami. If that didn’t work out I would head up to Chiang Mai and find some teaching work there.

I began to pray for God’s will to be done. I told Anurak that I was qualified to teach English. He suggested that I might be able to teach some of the people in KhuanKhanun village. He had converted a room in his parent’s old house into a school room but there had never been a teacher there. When I arrived in Phattalung I turned up at the Phantasanja Community soaked through with rain from a freak monsoon looking totally bedraggled, sun burnt and peeling and carrying so much luggage that I thought my back was going to break.

I had thought that there would be other missionaries there but I was the only foreigner. No one spoke English except Anurak. I had a sleep and then got up for a walk. The community was set in a beautiful Khuankhanun district – surrounded by rice fields, farm land and rubber tree plants. It is remote and breathtakingly beautiful. And so peaceful. I sat on a bench on a bridge over a little stream that runs through the community and in less than 5 minutes a small child appeared from nowhere and put his head on my lap. Suddenly there were children all around my hugging me. My heart absolutely burst. They were the most precious children. I went to bed that night and bawled my eyes out.

Anurak’s ministry (after an amazing conversion from Buddhist to Christian) has been to provide a home for Children who have been abandoned or abused, for girls rescued from prostitution and drug abuse and for elderly people. He is a father to many. And the testimonies there are just amazing.

Due to April being a holiday month – teaching in Khuankhanun hadn’t been organized. Many of the children were going away to visit extended family and Anurak and his family were going away for a few weeks. I began to wonder what I’d I would do and quite like the idea of doing nothing but exploring and lying in the sun for a month. Just then Anurak invited me on a short trip with his family to Phuket via Phang Nga – a chance for me to see a bit of the south of Thailand and to see the Phantasanja projects in the Tsunami area.
On the way to Phuket we stopped of in Bang Muang – a small village where the largest of many temporary housing camps were set up for people who lost homes and families in the Tsunami. Here Anurak’s foundation had a Mother and Child care centre as a short term project and forerunner to the construction of a new community to provide a home for Tsunami orphans, widowed mothers and pensioners. At the camp I recognized some of the people who had visited Phattalung the week before and been baptized there. My heart went out to the people straight away. I had seen nothing yet of the devastation of the area. But before my eyes I could see people with less than a thread of hope living in squat conditions still living much in fear and trauma of the nightmare that was still ringing true to many individuals. At this time there were about 2000 people living in Bang Muang camp – mostly from Ban Nam Khem village, a small fishing village which had been utterly destroyed by the Tsunami. The day that I arrived – people were on high alert because there had been a huge earthquake in Sumatra during the night and many feared another Tsunami and had fled for the hills.

I walked around the camp quietly praying for people and trying my best to pronounce the one phrase I had mastered in Thai: “Sawadee Ka. Sabai dee mai ka?” (Hello, how are you?).
I said that my heart went out to the people. And I felt bonded with the place straight away – but had I known that the next two months of my life would be spent living there I might not have been so quick to bond on that initial visit!
We stopped at Bang Muang on the journey back from Phuket. I had been immensely moved and stunned by the 40 km stretch between Bang Muang and Khao Lak which was totally barren. The Tsunami was totally unimaginable. I still can’t imagine what it must have been like and how such a huge area could be so destroyed. Back at the camp a second time I got straight back into exploring and exchanging smiles and greetings with people. It was when I returned to the mother and child tent that Anurak posed the question: “How would you feel about spending the next month or two living here. We really need your help.”
The idea was that I could teach some English but main task was to inform the huge volume of English speaking passing tourists and visitors about the work of the foundation. Again I was the only English speaking person in the Phantasanja environment. And not speaking any Thai I had to reply on God, prayer and living experience to learn where the need was and how people could help. So the message I was to pass on to others was one of testimony.

I was terrified at the proposition. Though admittedly my first flashing thoughts were: “where will I wash and where exactly will the toilet be.” Before I could get to the second question as to where I would sleep, thinking that perhaps there might be a nice bungalow around the corner, Anurak said, you will be sleeping here, on the floor. I was so nervous but I knew it was where the need was. I could either think of a month alone getting a nice tan, or a month or more living in a disaster zone, on the floor in the temporary housing camp of Bang Muang. Before I knew what I was doing I had already heard myself say “yes.”

moses

Anurak, Oom and kids

children in Pattalung

Welcome to my blog. I actually started this blog in February 2005 before moving out to Thailand. I finished my job in London, moved out of my flat and found a new home for my cat to embark on a new adventure in Thailand. I'd bought a 1 way ticket - so I didn't know how long I'd be gone. I just knew that I wanted to serve God. I could teach English so I guessed that would play a part in it somewhere. And Thailand seemed to be the place that God had put on my heart. My decision wasn't as rash as it sounds - I had prayed a sought confirmation that my decision was something that God would honour and bless rather than just being a whim or an escape.

So my plan was to blog as I went along...

For one reason or another it hasn't happened. Either I was living somewhere where I couldn't access a computer so easily, or I've been busy, or too stressed, or I've been in the dilemma of "If I don't start the blog from the beginning, where do I start?" ... so I just never started.

Well it's now March 2006 and I'm still in Thailand and it's possible that I'm on the last leg of my time here. I'm not 100% certain, but the was things are looking right now - I'll probably be coming home in June. It's a bit of a funny time to start my blog but it's better late than never.
I've had so many experiences (funny, challenging, bad and good) and thoughts and moments with God etc that it seems silly not to write them down. And who knows... someone may stumble across these pages and somewhere in my rambling there may just be something that blesses them or gives them some inspiration to go where God has been calling them to. For some people - it may even be that God is calling you to Him...

So here's the beginning of my blog, starting a little too late ! But one thing that's not out of date is its title cos I still miss my Cat.